As both a licensed therapist and the co-founder of an AI coaching platform, I'm often asked: "Can AI really help relationships? Isn't that what therapists are for?"
It's a fair question, and I want to give you an honest answer—one that doesn't pretend AI is something it's not, but also doesn't dismiss its genuine potential to help couples.
What Traditional Couples Therapy Offers
Let me start by being clear: traditional couples therapy with a skilled therapist is incredibly powerful. Here's what it provides:
The irreplaceable elements:
- Human intuition and empathy
- Ability to read body language and nonverbal cues
- Dynamic, spontaneous interventions
- Specialized training in complex issues
- Legal and ethical frameworks
- Crisis intervention capabilities
When you should absolutely see a therapist:
- Abuse or safety concerns
- Severe mental health issues
- Addiction affecting the relationship
- Trauma that needs professional processing
- Infidelity recovery (at least initially)
- You feel "in crisis"
For these situations, please seek professional help. AI is not appropriate for crisis intervention or serious clinical issues.
The Limitations of Traditional Therapy
That said, traditional therapy has real constraints:
Cost: The average couples therapy session costs $150-300. Weekly sessions can run $600-1,200/month—simply unaffordable for many couples.
Accessibility: Finding a good couples therapist can take weeks. Many areas have therapist shortages. Schedules often conflict with work.
Availability: Your therapist isn't available at 11pm when you're in the middle of an argument. The 50-minute weekly session can feel insufficient.
Stigma: Many people still feel shame about seeking therapy, even when they need it.
The result? Most couples who could benefit from support never get it. On average, couples wait six years of being unhappy before seeking help. By then, patterns are deeply entrenched.
What AI Coaching Offers
AI couples coaching isn't trying to replace therapy—it's trying to reach the couples who would never go to therapy, or who need support between sessions.
The advantages:
- Available 24/7, whenever conflict arises
- Fraction of the cost ($15-30/month vs $600+/month)
- No scheduling or commuting
- No waitlists
- Privacy (some find it easier to be honest with AI)
- Consistent application of evidence-based techniques
What good AI coaching should provide:
- Gottman Method and CBT-based interventions
- Help identifying negative patterns
- Communication skills practice
- Conflict de-escalation support
- Educational content on relationship science
- Tools for ongoing maintenance
What AI Cannot Do
Let me be direct about AI's limitations:
AI cannot:
- Provide crisis intervention
- Diagnose mental health conditions
- Replace the nuance of human judgment
- Read your body language
- Provide legal or medical advice
- Handle abuse situations appropriately
- Offer the same depth of relational experience
Good AI coaching platforms should be clear about these limitations and encourage professional help when it's needed.
Who Benefits Most from AI Coaching?
Based on my experience, AI coaching works best for:
Couples who are "fine but want to be great"
You're not in crisis. You love each other. But you've fallen into some negative patterns or feel disconnected. You want tools to improve.
Couples who can't afford regular therapy
$200/session isn't feasible, but $20/month is. Something is better than nothing, especially when that something is evidence-based.
Couples who want support between therapy sessions
AI coaching can reinforce what you're learning in therapy and provide real-time support when your therapist isn't available.
Individuals working on their relationship skills
Sometimes one partner isn't ready for therapy. You can still work on your own communication and emotional regulation.
Couples with scheduling challenges
Different work hours, travel, kids—sometimes weekly in-person sessions just don't work.
A Complementary Approach
I don't see AI coaching and traditional therapy as competitors. I see them as complementary tools serving different needs.
Think of it like physical health: you might use a fitness app for daily workouts (AI coaching), but you still go to a doctor for medical issues (therapy). The app keeps you healthy day-to-day; the doctor handles what the app can't.
The ideal might be: occasional sessions with a human therapist for complex issues and deep work, combined with AI coaching for daily maintenance, skill practice, and in-the-moment support.
Questions to Ask Yourself
When deciding what's right for you, consider:
- Are we in crisis? If yes, seek professional help first.
- Are there safety concerns? If yes, professional help is essential.
- Can we afford regular therapy? If yes and you need it, do it.
- Do we need ongoing support between sessions? AI coaching can help.
- Are we mainly looking for skill-building and maintenance? AI coaching is well-suited for this.
The Future of Relationship Support
I believe we're moving toward a world where relationship support is accessible to everyone—not just those who can afford $200/hour and take time off work for appointments.
AI won't replace the profound healing that happens with a skilled human therapist. But it can reach the millions of couples who would otherwise get no support at all. And that's worth something.
The best relationship support is the support you'll actually use. For many couples, that's going to include AI.